When You Wake Up and Realize Your Life Isn’t What You Thought It Would Be
One day I woke up and realized I had one kid getting ready for college, the other about to start high school, I hated my job, I was separated, and I was battling these damn hot flashes.
Like… whose life is this?
Because it for damn sure ain’t mine.
Five years ago, if you asked me where I saw myself, I would’ve told you I’d be a homeowner, an assistant principal, preparing my oldest for college, sending my youngest into high school, and putting the finishing touches on my vow renewal ceremony.
Instead I was picking myself up for the fifth night in a row after another sobbing session.
Face covered in snot. Wig across the room on the floor.
And I just kept asking myself:
Where did my dream life go?
But if I’m being honest…
Was it ever really my dream life?
Admitting I Was Unhappy in My Marriage
I always knew I wanted to be a mom, a teacher, a wife.
And technically, I was all of those things.
But there were other things too.
The things I ignored.
The things I forgave.
The things I looked past.
I convinced myself that if I just kept showing up as the best version of everything a full-time working wife and mom is supposed to be, things would get better.
It never really did.
No matter how much I smiled, faked it, or convinced people I was fine, I wasn’t.
I had been unhappy for a long time.
That night on the floor, tears as my only comfort, I finally said the words I’d been avoiding:
I was unhappy in my marriage.
And that unhappiness was spilling into every other area of my life.
Loving Someone for 17 Years and Still Losing the Relationship
I had been with my love — now my ex — since I was 17.
By 18, we had our first child.
We got married, had our second child, and got our first apartment when I was 22.
I was enamored with him.
There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that man.
But this isn’t a post to drag him.
At least not this one lol.
This is about acknowledging where I am now.
It’s been more than a year since our separation in February 2024, and I still miss him.
His presence.
Our history.
The life we built together.
We had so many good times growing up together and raising our boys.
I hoped therapy could fix us.
I hoped we could break the cycle of our parents’ failed relationships.
But we didn’t.
Love mixed with hurt.
Hurt mixed with resentment.
And eventually we became toxic.
Toxicity became our love language.
We broke each other.
Life After a Long Relationship Ends
Now I’m a separated single mom raising teenagers and trying to rebuild a life that for so long was tied to someone else.
And no one really talks about the despair that comes after ending a long relationship.
The kind where you spent your entire adult life with one person.
No one talks about how lost you feel.
How numb.
How hopeless.
Especially when the person who was once your comfort was also your pain.
Even typing this brings tears to my eyes.
Because at 36 I’m realizing just how much of my childhood trauma followed me into that relationship.
A broken woman, never fully loved properly, left devastated by a broken marriage.
The irony.
Redefining My Life at 36
And that’s what this blog is about.
Not perfection.
Not pretending everything is fine.
This is the raw, uncut, real story of a woman redefining her life.
💗 Healing after a 17-year relationship ends
💗 Navigating motherhood as an almost empty nester
💗 Transitioning careers and finding joy in the unknown
💗 Learning how to take better care of myself at 35, post-menopause
💗 Remembering that none of this stops me from still being a bad bitch
Because even through the heartbreak…
I’m still here.
Still standing.
Still figuring it out.
If You’re Also Starting Over…
If you’re here for the honest, messy, beautiful truth of starting over, I’d love for you to subscribe.
And if you feel comfortable, drop a comment:
What’s the wildest thing you’re navigating in your life right now?
Because the truth is…
A lot of us are starting over.
We just don’t talk about it enough.
We’re in this together.
🩷
With love,
Treanna